感謝神，今天因爲教會有一對弟兄姐妹結婚，地點剛好在舅父家隔壁的教會，我有機會踏出自己的限制。。。
午飯剛好是跟我那個有癌症的朋友一起吃的。以她的病況，其他的弟兄姐妹當然會為她預備交通工具，我於是有幸得到那部車子的最後一個位置。
路上，我跟她說，我的舅父母剛好是住在那家教堂的隔壁，她就提議我，橫竪早到，不如趁中間的空當探望舅父母他們。
我本來是十分 unsure 的，因爲我是家裏最小的一個，平常都是跟著哥哥姐姐去探望長輩們，很少自己一個人去的，但因爲一點的鼓勵，就去了。
見到兩老身體都似乎很好的樣子，其實也是很感安慰的。
感謝神！也感謝神藉著我的那個朋友給了我鼓勵！
她說：“珍惜相聚一刻、保持愛的感覺！”Amen！
20 November 2006
12 November 2006
天星碼頭的最後一天
香港還有甚麽？ 香港最行的是“破舊立新”。
其實，香港的品牌形象其中最重要的一環，就是中西並存，亦即是彭定康所說的East meets West。
如果我們的中西共融的東西，例如這個天星碼頭，也例如中環的警署和監獄，都一一被銷毀，我們的品牌還剩下甚麽呢？
有沒有人真的為我們香港認真的打算？為香港作定位？為香港的未來打造一條獨特的路？
無情
無情只為多情故
哭盡那來淚沾腮
談起一個朋友的癌症復發，最近更因白血球過低而不能繼續化療。
我很少談起，更不太敢認真的為此祈禱。
因為，我每一次認真的為此祈禱的時候，我就會哭得不能自已。
而，我如果哭得不能自已，就會頭疼，疼個一整天。
我，沒有多情的本錢。
我，可能已經哭盡今生的淚水。
哭盡那來淚沾腮
談起一個朋友的癌症復發，最近更因白血球過低而不能繼續化療。
我很少談起，更不太敢認真的為此祈禱。
因為，我每一次認真的為此祈禱的時候，我就會哭得不能自已。
而，我如果哭得不能自已，就會頭疼，疼個一整天。
我，沒有多情的本錢。
我，可能已經哭盡今生的淚水。
10 November 2006
造物之奇
我其實是訂閲了National Geographic月刊的，但是常常沒時間去看。
今天早上拿了這一期的（二零零六年十二月號），在地鐵裏看。。。
翻到一篇文章，題爲Power Beak，談到名為Toucans的一種生長在美洲的亞熱帶區，有著長長大大的喙的鳥類。喙的長度有時候是鳥身的三分之一。有時會令人懷疑，爲甚麽牠有一個看起來很笨重的喙，卻不會倒呢？
筆者說，原來這個長而大的喙，其結構之精奇，令現代的物料界也唧唧稱奇。它既堅硬，又輕盈，而材料卻是我們人體也有的骨與角質（就是指甲及皮膚最表層的物質），在巧妙的組織和編排下，就成爲這不可多得的結構。物料界還正在研究怎麽將這個結構應用在汽車及飛機的外殼構造上呢！
人類常常認爲自己的科技日新月異，每每都誇誇其談，說甚麽自己的發明是科技的又一突破。
其實，神在創世之時，已經將最精奇的科技做完，放在我們的眼前，只是我們沒有那個能力去欣賞那些偉大的創造而已。
28 October 2006
今時今日，服務態度仲可以係。。。
I am currently still quite furious about the customer service level and policy of my ISP.
This is a long weekend in Hong Kong, and I need to ensure some tasks has been completed before I get back to work on Tuesday (the next working day). So, I took my work laptop home and try to connect to office network using VPN on home ISP carrier.
While my home laptop works perfectly fine and got the connection straight away, the work laptop cannot. So, I tried to seek technical support from my ISP. It was 10:15 pm then. Well, anyone would agree with me that this is perhaps the start of the golden period of web surfing for home users. But, guess what? This company, Hutchison Global Communicatoin 和記 is so "customer friendly" that technical support finishes work at 10:00 pm.
So, I ended up being connected to General Customer Enquiry Hotline, which operates for longer hours. By the way, what is the use of having General Customer Enquiry on when Technical Support is off? Does a lot of people ask about their bill during the night time?
Anyway, I was told that there was no technical support, and I asked whether some technical support can be arranged because I need to connect to the office network in time to catch up with my overseas colleagues. Nothing can be arranged of course; that's not in their books.
So, I asked whether his boss could arrange something for me as I need to be online then or else I miss the opportunity. He tried asked his boss, but replied that nothing could be arranged. He tried all he could to help me, with whatever minimal technical skills he had, it was not sufficient to solve the problem.
I asked to talk to his boss, but I gathered his boss was too chicken to confront me. I said I would stay on the line until his boss come on, but he pleaded with me to stop it there, saying his boss was on some other business at that time.
I insisted waiting, and his boss only came to attend to me at around 10:50 pm. By that time, my frustration and dissatifaction was mounted up to the extent that I insisted on having a written apology.
Both the officer and the supervisor informed repeatedly that it was not in their company's policy to provide any written apology, email or in paper.
I asked whether they could provide a written account of the incident as a minimum so that I have proof in case my own boss asked why I didn't attend to my own work. But again it was a NO.
I asked whether they could provide the recording to me, only to find out that I need to fill a form and pay HKD 120 for something that I own as much as they do.
I asked whether the supervisor could escalate to his boss and see if any of the options I have asked for could be arranged. Still NO.
Although the NO's were given quite politely, a NO is still a NO. And I got more and more agitated as time passed.
I debriefed to the officer and the supervisor at various points of time during the conversation that this was not a good way to handle a customer. I told them the basics of Customer Service Excellence as I learnt it during my MBA course, saying that the longer they avoided to resolve my problem and/or soothe my anger, the worst the situation would be.
A service incident without a proper and instant recovery would result in more problem than going outside of the company rules, resulting in as much as damaging the company's reputation. And still, they didn't take heed.
So, in the end, I took the case number and the supervisor's name, asked the supervisor to get his boss to call me and apologize, lodged a complaint at the HK Consumer Council and wrote this blog. See how a small thing, probably the customer was in the wrong even, could build up to!!
I am not sure what will come out of this, but it is really not the way to treat a customer.
A customer is a customer and no matter whether it's his/her problem, you still have to try all you can to help him/her, even if it's not within the written rules.
Why is Ritz Carlton being used as the benchmark of customer service? It's because the staff owns a problem and have the latitude to make up with the customer. Each is empowered to provide remedies within a certain limit, which normally is sufficient to far exceed the expectation of the customer in question for the service incident.
There is really no customer-centric service culture in HK. All they have are company-centric measures. If it is not convenient to the company, they say that it's not in their books. Easy?! Easy for them, but just as easy to agitate customers...
What are we doing, HK? We are converting to a service economy, but what service are we providing? Is this really sufficient??????
This is a long weekend in Hong Kong, and I need to ensure some tasks has been completed before I get back to work on Tuesday (the next working day). So, I took my work laptop home and try to connect to office network using VPN on home ISP carrier.
While my home laptop works perfectly fine and got the connection straight away, the work laptop cannot. So, I tried to seek technical support from my ISP. It was 10:15 pm then. Well, anyone would agree with me that this is perhaps the start of the golden period of web surfing for home users. But, guess what? This company, Hutchison Global Communicatoin 和記 is so "customer friendly" that technical support finishes work at 10:00 pm.
So, I ended up being connected to General Customer Enquiry Hotline, which operates for longer hours. By the way, what is the use of having General Customer Enquiry on when Technical Support is off? Does a lot of people ask about their bill during the night time?
Anyway, I was told that there was no technical support, and I asked whether some technical support can be arranged because I need to connect to the office network in time to catch up with my overseas colleagues. Nothing can be arranged of course; that's not in their books.
So, I asked whether his boss could arrange something for me as I need to be online then or else I miss the opportunity. He tried asked his boss, but replied that nothing could be arranged. He tried all he could to help me, with whatever minimal technical skills he had, it was not sufficient to solve the problem.
I asked to talk to his boss, but I gathered his boss was too chicken to confront me. I said I would stay on the line until his boss come on, but he pleaded with me to stop it there, saying his boss was on some other business at that time.
I insisted waiting, and his boss only came to attend to me at around 10:50 pm. By that time, my frustration and dissatifaction was mounted up to the extent that I insisted on having a written apology.
Both the officer and the supervisor informed repeatedly that it was not in their company's policy to provide any written apology, email or in paper.
I asked whether they could provide a written account of the incident as a minimum so that I have proof in case my own boss asked why I didn't attend to my own work. But again it was a NO.
I asked whether they could provide the recording to me, only to find out that I need to fill a form and pay HKD 120 for something that I own as much as they do.
I asked whether the supervisor could escalate to his boss and see if any of the options I have asked for could be arranged. Still NO.
Although the NO's were given quite politely, a NO is still a NO. And I got more and more agitated as time passed.
I debriefed to the officer and the supervisor at various points of time during the conversation that this was not a good way to handle a customer. I told them the basics of Customer Service Excellence as I learnt it during my MBA course, saying that the longer they avoided to resolve my problem and/or soothe my anger, the worst the situation would be.
A service incident without a proper and instant recovery would result in more problem than going outside of the company rules, resulting in as much as damaging the company's reputation. And still, they didn't take heed.
So, in the end, I took the case number and the supervisor's name, asked the supervisor to get his boss to call me and apologize, lodged a complaint at the HK Consumer Council and wrote this blog. See how a small thing, probably the customer was in the wrong even, could build up to!!
I am not sure what will come out of this, but it is really not the way to treat a customer.
A customer is a customer and no matter whether it's his/her problem, you still have to try all you can to help him/her, even if it's not within the written rules.
Why is Ritz Carlton being used as the benchmark of customer service? It's because the staff owns a problem and have the latitude to make up with the customer. Each is empowered to provide remedies within a certain limit, which normally is sufficient to far exceed the expectation of the customer in question for the service incident.
There is really no customer-centric service culture in HK. All they have are company-centric measures. If it is not convenient to the company, they say that it's not in their books. Easy?! Easy for them, but just as easy to agitate customers...
What are we doing, HK? We are converting to a service economy, but what service are we providing? Is this really sufficient??????
06 October 2006
與神相遇之行
我在八月的時候自己一個人去了一趟泰國布吉，目的呢？是希望離開繁囂的工作與人際關係，好好的給自己有空間與神相交。在那之前，我實在很不快樂，埋怨人也埋怨神。當我有一天發現我口所出的都是怨言的時候，我覺得我一定要離開，重新在神中沉澱，再找我的方向。
這一次五天的獨處，實在獲益良多。
其中的一個很重要的啓發是，原來我一直害怕孤單，所以我就向神求有一個伴，哪管是朋友還是情人。
但神卻讓我記起以前以色列人也是求王，卻忘記神才是他們的王。
如果我今天因爲要一個實在的人來愛我，卻忘記我的神是最愛我的那個，我不就跟以色列人一樣？後果會不會是忘記了神的愛？會不會跟神越走越遠？
所以，我要先學習愛神，好像祂是我的愛人一樣。
05 October 2006
咖啡 (2006.09.26)
這一年來，我的胃常常閙病，年頭就胃炎了一趟，要戒掉咖啡，奶茶，跟任何有咖啡因，茶鹼的飲料和食品，連“港式飲茶”也只能夠喝白開水。慘況真是不足為外人道。
好不容易胃養好了，才重新可以再接觸這些生命中的vices。(真的不知道中文怎樣翻譯才傳神)
最近，不知爲何常常睡不着，每晚每晚不到淩晨一，二時就是怎樣都睡不着，於是，咖啡又上場了！而且，每天一杯已經不管用，非要早午各一杯才能維持清醒。於是，胃病又跟著上場露臉了！搞得我吃甚麽都沒味道，而且胃都會反抗。不用醫生提點，都知道不能再喝了。
不是有一個説法，人對咖啡的態度，多少反映那個人對愛情的態度嗎？如是，那我就是那些先天身體不能承受愛情的人罷？哈哈。
好不容易胃養好了，才重新可以再接觸這些生命中的vices。(真的不知道中文怎樣翻譯才傳神)
最近，不知爲何常常睡不着，每晚每晚不到淩晨一，二時就是怎樣都睡不着，於是，咖啡又上場了！而且，每天一杯已經不管用，非要早午各一杯才能維持清醒。於是，胃病又跟著上場露臉了！搞得我吃甚麽都沒味道，而且胃都會反抗。不用醫生提點，都知道不能再喝了。
不是有一個説法，人對咖啡的態度，多少反映那個人對愛情的態度嗎？如是，那我就是那些先天身體不能承受愛情的人罷？哈哈。
31 July 2006
卡在瓶頸中
有一種哀傷不知如何訴説
有一種寂寞無處排解
在紛擾的生活中，我只是個機械的存活
莫可奈何呀，生命中的孤寂
是一個人的路，沒有同伴，沒有前景
要如何再走下去，孤單的路途？
一個人，一個荒島
誰又會理會
只怕是，會在大海中被永久遺忘
有一種寂寞無處排解
在紛擾的生活中，我只是個機械的存活
莫可奈何呀，生命中的孤寂
是一個人的路，沒有同伴，沒有前景
要如何再走下去，孤單的路途？
一個人，一個荒島
誰又會理會
只怕是，會在大海中被永久遺忘
27 July 2006
我和我媽
今天在跟好友訴苦的時候。。。
“。。。我媽呀，自己很沒立場，而且很矛盾：一時說這樣，過後又完全相反；但又很會抱怨，最後就將自己的問題一下子就丟給別人。很煩耶。”
朋友就回我一句，“跟你一樣呀！”
沒辦法，她是我媽，遺傳真恐怖！！
“。。。我媽呀，自己很沒立場，而且很矛盾：一時說這樣，過後又完全相反；但又很會抱怨，最後就將自己的問題一下子就丟給別人。很煩耶。”
朋友就回我一句，“跟你一樣呀！”
沒辦法，她是我媽，遺傳真恐怖！！
03 June 2006
心甘、情願
媽媽在星期二已經出院了。
我原本因為身體很疲倦的緣故向公司請了星期一及二的兩天假，想好好的休息，也因為媽媽突然入院而變成更忙，天天跑醫院。
星期二那天更因媽媽的性急，想早點出院，要我與女傭一大早就在醫院Stand by，而枯坐了三個小時。
當然，媽媽是很重要的，我也慶幸有請假在家，可以多點時間看他。
但，我自己呢？我的疲倦、身體不適，誰又來關心？
長期下來，大多數的人都只會覺得我強、硬，能撐得起。總不覺有人會知道我的疲倦。不只是媽媽的事，也是公司裡的事。
我並不喜歡做決定，但又抵不了膠著狀態，只好硬著頭皮做決定。
我不喜歡做組長，但又見沒人認領，只好自己去做。
同樣地，工作方面也是如此。
我人在做，但我的心未必在做。只是結果還可以，所以鮮少有人發覺、發覺我的不甘願。
我不甘願，但礙於責任心，只有繼續做下去。心與身長久的分開，妄顧自己快不快樂，我想，我的心理一定會出問題吧？！
或許，已經出了問題吧？！
別人都只會說我驕貴，買很多東西，常出國渡假，殊不知那只是我減壓的方法，也是不回家面對媽媽的感情苛索的唯一出路而已！
在沒時間、空間去經營交情的情況下，這是最快速而直接的方法。
我想，我是真的有問題吧？！
我原本因為身體很疲倦的緣故向公司請了星期一及二的兩天假，想好好的休息，也因為媽媽突然入院而變成更忙，天天跑醫院。
星期二那天更因媽媽的性急，想早點出院，要我與女傭一大早就在醫院Stand by，而枯坐了三個小時。
當然，媽媽是很重要的，我也慶幸有請假在家，可以多點時間看他。
但，我自己呢？我的疲倦、身體不適，誰又來關心？
長期下來，大多數的人都只會覺得我強、硬，能撐得起。總不覺有人會知道我的疲倦。不只是媽媽的事，也是公司裡的事。
我並不喜歡做決定，但又抵不了膠著狀態，只好硬著頭皮做決定。
我不喜歡做組長，但又見沒人認領，只好自己去做。
同樣地，工作方面也是如此。
我人在做，但我的心未必在做。只是結果還可以，所以鮮少有人發覺、發覺我的不甘願。
我不甘願，但礙於責任心，只有繼續做下去。心與身長久的分開，妄顧自己快不快樂，我想，我的心理一定會出問題吧？！
或許，已經出了問題吧？！
別人都只會說我驕貴，買很多東西，常出國渡假，殊不知那只是我減壓的方法，也是不回家面對媽媽的感情苛索的唯一出路而已！
在沒時間、空間去經營交情的情況下，這是最快速而直接的方法。
我想，我是真的有問題吧？！
27 May 2006
又入院了
媽媽昨天又入院了！
病癥是心率不整，醫生暫時仍不能斷定起因。媽媽自己估計是因過度勞累引致。
但，很難不讓人聯想到媽媽是又一次輕微心臟病發。
一個七十多八十歲的老人家，又能承受多少次輕微心臟病發呢？
何況去年年初她更有一次差點致命的心臟病發呢？
說不擔心當然是自欺欺人的，但在媽媽面前，更重要的是別先失去冷靜。
姊姊問我為何好像沒事人一樣，我只可說，更兇險的都處理過，這只好算是「小兒科」而已。
回到家裡，自己關上房門，那悲傷才慢慢浮現：媽媽真的老了，在世的日子真的不知還能有多少，自己工作如此之忙，又能有多少時間與她共度？
幸好總算在她「行得走得」的時候已經和她去了歐遊，平常有空也有帶她去做做「闊太」吃下午茶到山頂看風景。
有時候也是為自己仍然獨身感恩，因為可以少些旁鶩，有空間關心媽媽。
最後，只希望媽媽快些真實的信主！﹙她在一個佈道聚會中曾站起來「決志」，但後來又否認了。﹚
求主保守！亞們！
病癥是心率不整，醫生暫時仍不能斷定起因。媽媽自己估計是因過度勞累引致。
但，很難不讓人聯想到媽媽是又一次輕微心臟病發。
一個七十多八十歲的老人家，又能承受多少次輕微心臟病發呢？
何況去年年初她更有一次差點致命的心臟病發呢？
說不擔心當然是自欺欺人的，但在媽媽面前，更重要的是別先失去冷靜。
姊姊問我為何好像沒事人一樣，我只可說，更兇險的都處理過，這只好算是「小兒科」而已。
回到家裡，自己關上房門，那悲傷才慢慢浮現：媽媽真的老了，在世的日子真的不知還能有多少，自己工作如此之忙，又能有多少時間與她共度？
幸好總算在她「行得走得」的時候已經和她去了歐遊，平常有空也有帶她去做做「闊太」吃下午茶到山頂看風景。
有時候也是為自己仍然獨身感恩，因為可以少些旁鶩，有空間關心媽媽。
最後，只希望媽媽快些真實的信主！﹙她在一個佈道聚會中曾站起來「決志」，但後來又否認了。﹚
求主保守！亞們！
26 May 2006
7 World Trade Center
After the 911 incident, I haven't heard any news about the Twin Towers of World Trade Center for quite some time. The last memory was watching the memorial ceremony on the 1st anniversary, how people mourned about the lost loved ones.
Suddenly, I bumped into this tiny square of news on the Metro yesteray that 7 World Trade Center (the first of a series of buildings on the site of the Twin Towers) was about to open next Tuesday.
Ever since the 911 incident, I had this impression that the Twin Towers resembled the Tower of Babble, "touching the sky" and boastful of human achievement; a monument of pride to the Americans. And the Americans also feels like those living in Jericho, a city that had been strong and seemingly invincible.
Both imageries pointed to the human desire to play the role of God Himself. Something that might seem very desirable to the Americans.
Having worked in the biggest bank in US for over 10 years, I found that the average American is very complacent, very self centred, and thought the world of themselves.
Everywhere outside of the US seems to be wilderness and undeveloped. Everybody who cannot speak English is illiterate and uncivilized. The rules and regulations in US are the best in the world. Their technology is the best, and no application is worth the slightest consideration if developed by people outside the US.
US was built by the protestants, a people of God. Its National Anthem is in fact a hymn, a war song of the Army of Jehovah.
But nowadays, the Americans have effectively shattered the family system, allowing people to divorce. They defy the 10 Commandments such as killing by allowing aborption, and seeing ex-marital affairs simply commonplace.
They have basically removed the Christian faith in every aspect of their life, not even allowing children to pray in school.
What is freedom after all, if it is not confined in the boundaries of righteousness?
It would be nothing but sin itself.
Of course, there are nice people in the US, but unfortunately that's the impression I have from working in this company for this long.
And being a devoted Christian in US would be extremely difficult, I believe, because you are not allowed to even stand up against homosexuality, which God hates so much.
Well, God has doomed the city of Jericho to ruins for ever and ever. And whoever wants to rebuild it would lose his sons. I genuinely pray that it would not be the same for those who have been or will be building on the ruins of the Twin Towers.
This is a lesson we must all learn. We are not God, and God treasures those who are humble, and see himself/herself just as he/she is.
I do pray that the Americans can return to God, and be humble again at His feet.
Suddenly, I bumped into this tiny square of news on the Metro yesteray that 7 World Trade Center (the first of a series of buildings on the site of the Twin Towers) was about to open next Tuesday.
Ever since the 911 incident, I had this impression that the Twin Towers resembled the Tower of Babble, "touching the sky" and boastful of human achievement; a monument of pride to the Americans. And the Americans also feels like those living in Jericho, a city that had been strong and seemingly invincible.
Both imageries pointed to the human desire to play the role of God Himself. Something that might seem very desirable to the Americans.
Having worked in the biggest bank in US for over 10 years, I found that the average American is very complacent, very self centred, and thought the world of themselves.
Everywhere outside of the US seems to be wilderness and undeveloped. Everybody who cannot speak English is illiterate and uncivilized. The rules and regulations in US are the best in the world. Their technology is the best, and no application is worth the slightest consideration if developed by people outside the US.
US was built by the protestants, a people of God. Its National Anthem is in fact a hymn, a war song of the Army of Jehovah.
But nowadays, the Americans have effectively shattered the family system, allowing people to divorce. They defy the 10 Commandments such as killing by allowing aborption, and seeing ex-marital affairs simply commonplace.
They have basically removed the Christian faith in every aspect of their life, not even allowing children to pray in school.
What is freedom after all, if it is not confined in the boundaries of righteousness?
It would be nothing but sin itself.
Of course, there are nice people in the US, but unfortunately that's the impression I have from working in this company for this long.
And being a devoted Christian in US would be extremely difficult, I believe, because you are not allowed to even stand up against homosexuality, which God hates so much.
Well, God has doomed the city of Jericho to ruins for ever and ever. And whoever wants to rebuild it would lose his sons. I genuinely pray that it would not be the same for those who have been or will be building on the ruins of the Twin Towers.
This is a lesson we must all learn. We are not God, and God treasures those who are humble, and see himself/herself just as he/she is.
I do pray that the Americans can return to God, and be humble again at His feet.
09 May 2006
I know this is a bit late, but I want to say something about Brokeback Mountain
I have always been interested in the topic of homosexuality. I think this is an exemplification of what sin is: you know that according to the Bible it is NOT right with GOD, but you are so trapped that you keep going back to it.
As we all know, Brokeback Mountain is one of the hottest topics recently (though the heat has almost died down).
Although I really don't agree with the practice of homosexual relationship, I forced myself into understanding the story. I believe that if you don't know the details, you are not supposed to criticize anything.
First, I bought a book with short story and the screenplay. Believe me, the screenplay is not lengthy at all, and quite easy to read. But, I just couldn't brought myself to finish reading it.
I couldn't sleep the night when I was 3 quarters through reading it, and I stopped there.
I was too disturbed about the fact that these 2 guys had been having this ex-marital affair for almost 20 years!!
Then I saw the movie, and was just as disturbed about this same fact as when I was reading the book. And I lost another night's sleep.
The wife of one of them actually knew from the first instance when they reunited after both of them got married!! She saw them kissed and was SO shocked. She was completely shattered by this fact, but have to withstand it because their children are still toddlers. Even after they got divorced, and she got married again, she was still extremely disturbed by this betrayal.
With all the halos around this movie, being exhaulted as a movie redefining love, I am deeply concerned about the effect that it has on our societies' moral values.
What are we going to teach our children in the future? That loving someone is not a sin, even when that person is of the same sex? That having an ex-marital affair is not a sin, if you truly love that person? That loving someone while hurting a lot more persons is right?
I don't think this whole thing is really about love; I think it is about
(1) betrayal,
(2) not giving due respect to a commitment such as marriage, and
(3) not caring about how you might hurt the ones that you love with wrong decisions.
The leading male role not only hurt his family but also his boyfriend. The latter was so disturbed that they couldn't be together as lovers would that he was always in distress, so much so that he said the famous quote "I wish I knew how to quit you".
Only when his boyfriend died that he realised he should be better to the ones he loves.
I believe that's why the last scene was about his elder daughter asking him to come to her wedding, he hesitated and said he need to work, but on second thought said they could find another person to work but he must attend his girl's wedding.
This forms a great contrast to an earlier scene that this same daughter asked whether she could live with him rather than staying with her stepfather's family, and he refused.
If we really need to learn from this story, I think this is my take:
(1) Give the people you love the right attention when they are still around; don't wait till they had died
(2) When you make a decision, be sure you take into consideration whether it will hurt anybody, especially someone you love
As we all know, Brokeback Mountain is one of the hottest topics recently (though the heat has almost died down).
Although I really don't agree with the practice of homosexual relationship, I forced myself into understanding the story. I believe that if you don't know the details, you are not supposed to criticize anything.
First, I bought a book with short story and the screenplay. Believe me, the screenplay is not lengthy at all, and quite easy to read. But, I just couldn't brought myself to finish reading it.
I couldn't sleep the night when I was 3 quarters through reading it, and I stopped there.
I was too disturbed about the fact that these 2 guys had been having this ex-marital affair for almost 20 years!!
Then I saw the movie, and was just as disturbed about this same fact as when I was reading the book. And I lost another night's sleep.
The wife of one of them actually knew from the first instance when they reunited after both of them got married!! She saw them kissed and was SO shocked. She was completely shattered by this fact, but have to withstand it because their children are still toddlers. Even after they got divorced, and she got married again, she was still extremely disturbed by this betrayal.
With all the halos around this movie, being exhaulted as a movie redefining love, I am deeply concerned about the effect that it has on our societies' moral values.
What are we going to teach our children in the future? That loving someone is not a sin, even when that person is of the same sex? That having an ex-marital affair is not a sin, if you truly love that person? That loving someone while hurting a lot more persons is right?
I don't think this whole thing is really about love; I think it is about
(1) betrayal,
(2) not giving due respect to a commitment such as marriage, and
(3) not caring about how you might hurt the ones that you love with wrong decisions.
The leading male role not only hurt his family but also his boyfriend. The latter was so disturbed that they couldn't be together as lovers would that he was always in distress, so much so that he said the famous quote "I wish I knew how to quit you".
Only when his boyfriend died that he realised he should be better to the ones he loves.
I believe that's why the last scene was about his elder daughter asking him to come to her wedding, he hesitated and said he need to work, but on second thought said they could find another person to work but he must attend his girl's wedding.
This forms a great contrast to an earlier scene that this same daughter asked whether she could live with him rather than staying with her stepfather's family, and he refused.
If we really need to learn from this story, I think this is my take:
(1) Give the people you love the right attention when they are still around; don't wait till they had died
(2) When you make a decision, be sure you take into consideration whether it will hurt anybody, especially someone you love
12 February 2006
The Last Battle - some thoughts and a serious question
I have just finished reading the Chronicles of Narnia last night.
Took me from Chinese New Year's Eve (Jan 28) till yesterday to finish all 7 books, amidst my heavy work scheules and intensive MBA class in the last 9 days. Took a bit long...
The last book, with name “The Last Battle”, is talking about the end of the world, and what becomes of our world in the renewed world after the end of time.
I couldn’t tell you what the story line is, lest you lost the fun of reading it yourself, but this much I could tell you. I have this warm feeling, like a whirlpool of pleasantly warm water, surging in the inside of me.
I felt so happy, and in fact relieved, that the end of this world we know is really a beginning of new and much better world, and that this new world will never cease. What’s more, in this new world, you will never feel sad, or afraid, or anything of that sort. I know we are supposed to know this through the Revelations, but reading about it in a story book is very different, believe me.
What are especially relevant to me are that you might be able to swim (which I never dared), and you could see with perfect eyesight such that however near or however far you could still see as clearly (I am short-sighted, my eyes degenerated prematurely, and I have many relapses of macular edema).
I daresay I long to be in this new world a lot.
But am I fit for this new world?
Well I think I share the same feeling of Puzzle the donkey, the same one who was deceived into pretending to be Aslan, the saviour. I will definitely feel ashamed in the face of my Saviour, but I have the faint hope (well, I know I should feel more sure, but this is just my character) that I will be accepted by Him regardless of my own perception of myself. He certainly looks at things differently.
Think about the young Calormene nobleman Emeth. (By the way the Calormenes are a people living south of Narnia. They have no fear of the true God, and are generally mean and evil.) He had in his whole life believed in a different “god”, which is a demon in fact, yet his deeds were noble and righteous all along. Then he found out after the end of the world that Aslan was the real God, and thought that he would be doomed.
Yet to the contrary, Aslan received him as a loved one, because he said that:
"Not because he (Tash) and I (Aslan) are one, but because we are opposites, I take to me the service which thou hast done to him. For I and he are of such different kinds that no service whick is vile can be done to me, and none which is not vile can be done to him. Therefore if any man swear by Tash (the evil one) and keep his oath for the oath’s sake, it is by me that he has truly sworn, though he know it not, and it is I who reward him. And if any man do a cruelty in my name, then though he says the name Aslan, it is Tash whom he serves and by Tash his deed is accepted.”
How easy it is then to understand the Bible saying, “You called me Lord, Lord and you still don’t know me” in a parable told by Jesus!
But I must admit that by putting it this way, C S Lewis had posed a theological difficulty. Does it mean that one can NOT acknowledge the true God as God, but by way of one’s good deeds that one will still find favour in the Saviour’s eyes on the Judgment Day? Then does it mean that no one needs to be a Christian, or own up as a Christian in this mortal life?
I certainly do not believe so! One has to acknowledge that God is God when one knows that there is this God and heard about His deeds. I am not 100% sure about those who have never heard of God, but definitely not so otherwise.
What do you think?
Took me from Chinese New Year's Eve (Jan 28) till yesterday to finish all 7 books, amidst my heavy work scheules and intensive MBA class in the last 9 days. Took a bit long...
The last book, with name “The Last Battle”, is talking about the end of the world, and what becomes of our world in the renewed world after the end of time.
I couldn’t tell you what the story line is, lest you lost the fun of reading it yourself, but this much I could tell you. I have this warm feeling, like a whirlpool of pleasantly warm water, surging in the inside of me.
I felt so happy, and in fact relieved, that the end of this world we know is really a beginning of new and much better world, and that this new world will never cease. What’s more, in this new world, you will never feel sad, or afraid, or anything of that sort. I know we are supposed to know this through the Revelations, but reading about it in a story book is very different, believe me.
What are especially relevant to me are that you might be able to swim (which I never dared), and you could see with perfect eyesight such that however near or however far you could still see as clearly (I am short-sighted, my eyes degenerated prematurely, and I have many relapses of macular edema).
I daresay I long to be in this new world a lot.
But am I fit for this new world?
Well I think I share the same feeling of Puzzle the donkey, the same one who was deceived into pretending to be Aslan, the saviour. I will definitely feel ashamed in the face of my Saviour, but I have the faint hope (well, I know I should feel more sure, but this is just my character) that I will be accepted by Him regardless of my own perception of myself. He certainly looks at things differently.
Think about the young Calormene nobleman Emeth. (By the way the Calormenes are a people living south of Narnia. They have no fear of the true God, and are generally mean and evil.) He had in his whole life believed in a different “god”, which is a demon in fact, yet his deeds were noble and righteous all along. Then he found out after the end of the world that Aslan was the real God, and thought that he would be doomed.
Yet to the contrary, Aslan received him as a loved one, because he said that:
"Not because he (Tash) and I (Aslan) are one, but because we are opposites, I take to me the service which thou hast done to him. For I and he are of such different kinds that no service whick is vile can be done to me, and none which is not vile can be done to him. Therefore if any man swear by Tash (the evil one) and keep his oath for the oath’s sake, it is by me that he has truly sworn, though he know it not, and it is I who reward him. And if any man do a cruelty in my name, then though he says the name Aslan, it is Tash whom he serves and by Tash his deed is accepted.”
How easy it is then to understand the Bible saying, “You called me Lord, Lord and you still don’t know me” in a parable told by Jesus!
But I must admit that by putting it this way, C S Lewis had posed a theological difficulty. Does it mean that one can NOT acknowledge the true God as God, but by way of one’s good deeds that one will still find favour in the Saviour’s eyes on the Judgment Day? Then does it mean that no one needs to be a Christian, or own up as a Christian in this mortal life?
I certainly do not believe so! One has to acknowledge that God is God when one knows that there is this God and heard about His deeds. I am not 100% sure about those who have never heard of God, but definitely not so otherwise.
What do you think?
08 February 2006
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe - the movie
Well, indeed I have seen the movie. I saw it when I was only one third into the book of the same title, but finished the first one which talked about how the land of Narnia came about.
Personally, I do think that the movie is already quite a good manifestation of the original story.
Of course, you cannot expect the movie to carry all the details of the book, but then the approach of storytelling of the book and the movie are too different to compare.
On the one hand, you have a narrator telling you the story, filling in the necessary background and addressing you like a child. On the other, you have a movie and no narrator, where you must try to make sense out of the sounds and sights presented to you.
The experience differ quite substantially if you view it at that angle.
But frankly speaking, I like both.
The books are easy to read, told like a father to his dear child, and give you quite clear directions in looking at life within and without the books. They are pleasant to read, short, and written in very good and easy English. The storylines are clear, yet with subtle hints to Christianity if you read between the lines.
At this, the movie lacks the ingenuity in which the morales behind are subtly weaving all through, but substitutes that with the visualization of perhaps a too different world to understand if you only read it. (At least for us who are not native speakers of the language it might be a bit hard to understand.)
So, all in all, I would recommend perhaps you see the movie first, in order not the spoil the fun of the adventures, but read the book, and its 6 other siblings, to get the full picture.
If you want to read it, perhaps I could lend the set to you when I am finished? I am now one third into the sixth book.
Personally, I do think that the movie is already quite a good manifestation of the original story.
Of course, you cannot expect the movie to carry all the details of the book, but then the approach of storytelling of the book and the movie are too different to compare.
On the one hand, you have a narrator telling you the story, filling in the necessary background and addressing you like a child. On the other, you have a movie and no narrator, where you must try to make sense out of the sounds and sights presented to you.
The experience differ quite substantially if you view it at that angle.
But frankly speaking, I like both.
The books are easy to read, told like a father to his dear child, and give you quite clear directions in looking at life within and without the books. They are pleasant to read, short, and written in very good and easy English. The storylines are clear, yet with subtle hints to Christianity if you read between the lines.
At this, the movie lacks the ingenuity in which the morales behind are subtly weaving all through, but substitutes that with the visualization of perhaps a too different world to understand if you only read it. (At least for us who are not native speakers of the language it might be a bit hard to understand.)
So, all in all, I would recommend perhaps you see the movie first, in order not the spoil the fun of the adventures, but read the book, and its 6 other siblings, to get the full picture.
If you want to read it, perhaps I could lend the set to you when I am finished? I am now one third into the sixth book.
06 February 2006
Narnia - Christianity made easy
As usual, what I read at a particular time is normally tied to what is the then popular story.
So, here I am, finished the first 5 books of The Chronicles of Narnia, and feeling great about the time I have spent so far.
As most of us know, The Chronicles of Narnia is written by the C.S. Lewis who is also a famous Christian author of such spiritual books as Mere Christianity. So, there are a lot of Christian themes into the Chronicles, such as creation, salvation, and walking with Christ in one's daily life.
So far, I found that the books are written in such a way that these themes could be easily understood even by young children who are starting to be able to read story books on their own.
If you want Christianity explained in extremely easy terms, here you are...
So, here I am, finished the first 5 books of The Chronicles of Narnia, and feeling great about the time I have spent so far.
As most of us know, The Chronicles of Narnia is written by the C.S. Lewis who is also a famous Christian author of such spiritual books as Mere Christianity. So, there are a lot of Christian themes into the Chronicles, such as creation, salvation, and walking with Christ in one's daily life.
So far, I found that the books are written in such a way that these themes could be easily understood even by young children who are starting to be able to read story books on their own.
If you want Christianity explained in extremely easy terms, here you are...
我就是挑，怎樣？
很多人都說我太挑，所以沒有對象。
以前我都是說不是我的問題，但，最近我的想法變了。
我認了，我就是挑。
那又怎樣了？不能夠嗎？
挑，其實不就是有堅持嗎？
為甚麽其他的堅持就值得大肆褒揚，我的小小堅持，而且只影響我自己的堅持，就要遭別人非議？
我爲甚麽要為別人而活？我自己覺得可以就好了。
以前我都是說不是我的問題，但，最近我的想法變了。
我認了，我就是挑。
那又怎樣了？不能夠嗎？
挑，其實不就是有堅持嗎？
為甚麽其他的堅持就值得大肆褒揚，我的小小堅持，而且只影響我自己的堅持，就要遭別人非議？
我爲甚麽要為別人而活？我自己覺得可以就好了。
25 January 2006
喜歡嗎?
「这么辛苦工作，为什么？」
他叹气。「为了不被炒鱿鱼啊，这么简单还用问？」
「学长那个时候为什么选择这份工作？」
他看看她。「你是随便问问呢？还是真的想知道？」
她思考一下。「一半一半。」
「一半一半？」他挖苦地反问：「什么叫一半一半？我不知道这种问题也有一半一半的答案。」
「因为我已经大四了，之前也在找工作，所以有点想知道别人是怎么想的。」她笑。「不过我已经找到工作了，而且学长的状况是学长的状况，知道了可能也不能当参考，所以也算是随便问问。」
他瞥她一眼，摇头。「我跟你那个没用的大哥都是读商管的，所以选择贸易公司是很正常的，加上营业部算是公司的命脉所在……你没听过吗？学以致用，就是这么简单的原因。」
「所以，学长，你喜欢现在的工作？」
「跟喜不喜欢没有关系吧？」他放下杯子，往后躺进沙发，将已经松开的领带拉下，解开领口的扣子，露出褐色的喉头。「工作就是工作，努力工作只是因为我得养活自己……你以为现实社会是日剧吗？工作是为了充满爱与梦想的未来？」
「如果不是因为喜欢，学长为什么要这么努力呢？像大哥那样，不也可以养活自己？」
他嗤之以鼻。「照你大哥那种打混法，没被开除已经算是奇迹，等哪一天主管心情不好、公司状况不佳，我敢保证，裁员名单的前几名一定有你大哥的名字。哪里可以养活自己？」
「是这样吗？」
「就是这样。」他简单地说：「经济不景气，公司付一份薪水，想要的是两份的工作成果，拿不出来成绩的人只有等着被淘汰的下场。办公室比修罗战场还残酷，要留下来，就要比别人努力，跟喜不喜欢，没有关系。」
-------
節錄自梨陌-透明奇跡
我想, 我跟書中那個男生的情況差不多罷.
讀了商科,就只好到商場工作.
進了商場,就只好努力的做,一來生怕給別人比下去,只有等着被淘汰的下場,二來是真的過不了自己的那一関,怎麽也做不來得過且過.
一直一直做,不知不覺到了一個不上不下的位置,別人羡慕,自己卻覺得被困住了.
很累.
想到前不久張徳培說,工作是要做自己喜歡的.
真有這麽好嗎?
那甚麽才是我自己喜歡的呢?
他叹气。「为了不被炒鱿鱼啊，这么简单还用问？」
「学长那个时候为什么选择这份工作？」
他看看她。「你是随便问问呢？还是真的想知道？」
她思考一下。「一半一半。」
「一半一半？」他挖苦地反问：「什么叫一半一半？我不知道这种问题也有一半一半的答案。」
「因为我已经大四了，之前也在找工作，所以有点想知道别人是怎么想的。」她笑。「不过我已经找到工作了，而且学长的状况是学长的状况，知道了可能也不能当参考，所以也算是随便问问。」
他瞥她一眼，摇头。「我跟你那个没用的大哥都是读商管的，所以选择贸易公司是很正常的，加上营业部算是公司的命脉所在……你没听过吗？学以致用，就是这么简单的原因。」
「所以，学长，你喜欢现在的工作？」
「跟喜不喜欢没有关系吧？」他放下杯子，往后躺进沙发，将已经松开的领带拉下，解开领口的扣子，露出褐色的喉头。「工作就是工作，努力工作只是因为我得养活自己……你以为现实社会是日剧吗？工作是为了充满爱与梦想的未来？」
「如果不是因为喜欢，学长为什么要这么努力呢？像大哥那样，不也可以养活自己？」
他嗤之以鼻。「照你大哥那种打混法，没被开除已经算是奇迹，等哪一天主管心情不好、公司状况不佳，我敢保证，裁员名单的前几名一定有你大哥的名字。哪里可以养活自己？」
「是这样吗？」
「就是这样。」他简单地说：「经济不景气，公司付一份薪水，想要的是两份的工作成果，拿不出来成绩的人只有等着被淘汰的下场。办公室比修罗战场还残酷，要留下来，就要比别人努力，跟喜不喜欢，没有关系。」
-------
節錄自梨陌-透明奇跡
我想, 我跟書中那個男生的情況差不多罷.
讀了商科,就只好到商場工作.
進了商場,就只好努力的做,一來生怕給別人比下去,只有等着被淘汰的下場,二來是真的過不了自己的那一関,怎麽也做不來得過且過.
一直一直做,不知不覺到了一個不上不下的位置,別人羡慕,自己卻覺得被困住了.
很累.
想到前不久張徳培說,工作是要做自己喜歡的.
真有這麽好嗎?
那甚麽才是我自己喜歡的呢?
04 January 2006
坊間小說中的單身女子被歧視記
人往往到了某个年纪就会被逼迫著去做某些事，比如年轻时你就得青春可爱，年纪大了一点你就要温柔妩媚，要是年纪再大了那么一点点……你就要担心自己是不是会没有男朋友。
你没结婚已经很惨了，如果还没有男友，简直就可以去申请社会救助，因为这跟肢体残缺没什么两样，你连男友都找不到，如果不是生理上有问题，就一定是心理上有问题!
“我有个朋友大学毕业后接连考上两个公职，住的是公宅，平常开销也不大，薪水又很高，但她却还是一个人。她想找一个条件比她好的男人，要是条件比她差的她也看不上，还要求对方的薪水一定得比她高，而且必须对老婆或女友很大方，她可以给对方养，自己的钱又可以存下来，如果遇不上这样条件的男人，她宁可一个人过日子还比较轻松愉快。”路人甲在捷运列车上对著路人乙说道。
“用这种方式来解释自己不结婚好像不太对吧?”感情不是应该由爱来构成，哪是先衡量经济再决定呢?路人乙觉得其中必定有诈。“她提出的条件根本就不太可能实现啊!会不会还有其他的原因?” “你的意思不会是说她是同性恋吧?”路人甲惊讶的问。
两人开始讨论起那位不婚女性的难言之隐，坐在一旁的花无缺冷著脸，真想开口制止他们，但最后还是隐忍了下来。
抵达朋友聚餐的会场，花无缺把刚刚在车上听见的讨论拿出来说，立刻引起一阵同仇敌忾的臭骂。
“他们凭什么那么说?没结婚、没男友就一定要被说成有病一样，难道这犯著他们了?”花无缺气呼呼的说道。
“难道要我跟人家说我才不管对方有没有钱，只要我爱他，就算要我养他都甘愿?我要是一说，搞不好人家以为我只要是男人都可以，马上又会被转化成另一种哈男人哈得要死的意思，谁敢那么说啊!”安妮点头赞同。
“对啊!尤其是跟已经结过婚的女人讲话时，还得面对她们那种隐藏在笑脸里的胜利姿态，好像她们已经结了婚就此你高出一截!”维珍也跟著发言。
“最惹人厌的就是那种明知道你没男友，还要一直问你怎么不交个男朋友，每见一次面就要问一次，问到你发火!”这才是花无缺的最痛，她几乎每隔几天就要被人问上一次。
“对啊!如果每个男人都那么好，我们为什么不交男朋友?就是因为找不到好男人啊!每次见面都要问，简直是故意找麻烦。”维珍也有相同的困扰。
“你要是说找不到适合自己的对象，对方一定会说：‘还不就是你太挑了!’好像你是什么阿猫阿狗都可以上床一起睡觉生小孩似的，还不许你挑!真不晓得那些人心里在想什么?”花无缺忍不住越讲越激动。
“你的生活要是过得好一点，不像那些黄脸婆又丑又胖，对方还会说你外表光鲜亮丽，但内心一定……”
“很、空、虚!”所有人很有默契地一起咬牙切齿讲出这三个字。
花无缺拨拨头发，忽略掉别桌几个男士望过来的倾慕眼神，她们这群女生本来就很引人注目，早已习惯旁人的目光，她神色自若的继续加入朋友的讨论话题。
“对，也许有时夜深人静是很寂寞没错，但是我们真要为了伯寂寞而随便找个人陪伴吗?”她们也不是不承认自己的孤单，只是就为了不想寂寞而去找个男人来陪，那根本不会有什么好下场。
“现在情杀案那么多，不要说感情没培养出来，最后还分手分不清、惹得一身腥，连命都搞丢了才倒楣。”安妮可是很伯自己变成情杀案主角。
“最气人的是那些人都又老又丑，生活也不见得如意，却还自以为高人一等的对我们说那种话，这才是我最呕的部分!”花无缺最无法平衡的就是这个，如果今天是个漂亮的家庭主妇说这种话也就算了，偏偏用高姿态说话的人多半是些痴肥的黄脸婆，自己都弄得蓬头垢面竟然还有睑来嘲笑比她们年轻貌美的未婚女子。
“别提了，我才惨咧……”Mary一脸困扰的望著伙伴们。“你们知道我买了房子之后，我那个已婚的朋友阿玲硬要说房子是乔治买给我的，还用那种不怀好意的口气跟我说：‘别不承认了，大家都是这么好的朋友，干嘛不跟我说实话……’后来我不是很火的回答：‘对啦!是他买给我的!’?” 众人纷纷点头，都听过Mary提过这件事，当时Mary也只能自我解嘲，都这把年纪了还有人认为她的姿色足以让男人甘心买楼给她，她不承认的话好像辜负了对方的期待，索性点头满足对方的猜测。
事实上，她们这群朋友都知道Mary为了买房子努力了多少年，只是长得太漂亮，就会有人觉得她一定是被包养的，非要抹杀她的努力不可。
“结果最近我再遇见阿玲，她居然问我：‘你怎么都不敢带男朋友来给我看，是不是你男朋友长得又矮又丑又肥又秃头，所以你才不敢带他来?’。”
“太过分了吧?”所有人连声惊呼。
“是啊，我哪有空专程带著乔治去给她看，再说哪个人会无聊到天天带著男友去跟朋友献宝?我们忙著工作连见面的机会都不多，能够在一起的时间那么少了，我还要牺牲两人相聚的时光把乔治带去给她评分?这……真是强人所难!”
“别理她了，那种人肯定不是什么好朋友，真是好朋友的话又怎么会做这种恶毒的猜测呢?” “你不觉得已婚的女性都这样吗?如果不把那些漂亮的未婚女性妖魔化，她们的心理就无法平衡，所以一定要把你想到最差的情况去她们才能好过一点。”花无缺开口解释。
“你们也知道我实在咽不下那口气，我有次跟乔治经过那附近，就要求他跟我去见见阿玲，可是我告诉乔治原因之后，乔治说他不想做这么愚蠢的事，他认为去了只有被评分的份，而他为什么要被那种恶毒的女人评分?他还要我别去在意那种话，除了她以外我还有其他的朋友，没必要为了争一口气去跟那种人瞎搅和。即使我知道乔治说的话没错，心里还是很不舒坦……你们能了解吗?我甚至还没跟乔治串通好要他说那房子是他买给我的，要是我这么说，他一定会觉得我疯了，自己努力那么久的成就竟然要推给他去承担……”
“我们当然可以了解。” 大家同情的看了Mary一眼，她可是众人当中唯一有男友的，但她没有想过要结婚，再加上他们两人工作都忙，虽然名义上是男女朋友，可是大家都感觉得出来他们早已经不是热恋期的男女，维持这份情感多少是为了不希望被当成异类。
Mary甚至说过她已经做好心理准备，随时等著乔治遇上喜欢的人跟她提出分手，因为她老早就知道他们的感情只剩下形式而已，而她之所以愿意维持这个形式，只是不希望有人问到她有没有男友时要委屈的说没有，接著还要去面对那些人荒谬的揣测。
“这么想想，我们好像很悲哀似的……”
“也别这么说啊，你想想有多少人可以像我们这么开心自在?”花无缺露出手上的小钻戒，得意的说：“我宁可为了要买哪件衣服烦恼，而不是为了老公和小孩操劳。”
“我也是!”众人再一次异口同声，接著笑成一团。
----------
節錄自:連亞麗-情非得已
我想我也不至於那麽偏激，身邊的朋友也鮮少會那麽惡毒，但也不是沒有人是這樣說過我。
我當然也知道不需要理會不相干的人，但縂會有那麽一點點的不甘心。真的很辛苦呀。
或者，是我太認真了。
你没结婚已经很惨了，如果还没有男友，简直就可以去申请社会救助，因为这跟肢体残缺没什么两样，你连男友都找不到，如果不是生理上有问题，就一定是心理上有问题!
“我有个朋友大学毕业后接连考上两个公职，住的是公宅，平常开销也不大，薪水又很高，但她却还是一个人。她想找一个条件比她好的男人，要是条件比她差的她也看不上，还要求对方的薪水一定得比她高，而且必须对老婆或女友很大方，她可以给对方养，自己的钱又可以存下来，如果遇不上这样条件的男人，她宁可一个人过日子还比较轻松愉快。”路人甲在捷运列车上对著路人乙说道。
“用这种方式来解释自己不结婚好像不太对吧?”感情不是应该由爱来构成，哪是先衡量经济再决定呢?路人乙觉得其中必定有诈。“她提出的条件根本就不太可能实现啊!会不会还有其他的原因?” “你的意思不会是说她是同性恋吧?”路人甲惊讶的问。
两人开始讨论起那位不婚女性的难言之隐，坐在一旁的花无缺冷著脸，真想开口制止他们，但最后还是隐忍了下来。
抵达朋友聚餐的会场，花无缺把刚刚在车上听见的讨论拿出来说，立刻引起一阵同仇敌忾的臭骂。
“他们凭什么那么说?没结婚、没男友就一定要被说成有病一样，难道这犯著他们了?”花无缺气呼呼的说道。
“难道要我跟人家说我才不管对方有没有钱，只要我爱他，就算要我养他都甘愿?我要是一说，搞不好人家以为我只要是男人都可以，马上又会被转化成另一种哈男人哈得要死的意思，谁敢那么说啊!”安妮点头赞同。
“对啊!尤其是跟已经结过婚的女人讲话时，还得面对她们那种隐藏在笑脸里的胜利姿态，好像她们已经结了婚就此你高出一截!”维珍也跟著发言。
“最惹人厌的就是那种明知道你没男友，还要一直问你怎么不交个男朋友，每见一次面就要问一次，问到你发火!”这才是花无缺的最痛，她几乎每隔几天就要被人问上一次。
“对啊!如果每个男人都那么好，我们为什么不交男朋友?就是因为找不到好男人啊!每次见面都要问，简直是故意找麻烦。”维珍也有相同的困扰。
“你要是说找不到适合自己的对象，对方一定会说：‘还不就是你太挑了!’好像你是什么阿猫阿狗都可以上床一起睡觉生小孩似的，还不许你挑!真不晓得那些人心里在想什么?”花无缺忍不住越讲越激动。
“你的生活要是过得好一点，不像那些黄脸婆又丑又胖，对方还会说你外表光鲜亮丽，但内心一定……”
“很、空、虚!”所有人很有默契地一起咬牙切齿讲出这三个字。
花无缺拨拨头发，忽略掉别桌几个男士望过来的倾慕眼神，她们这群女生本来就很引人注目，早已习惯旁人的目光，她神色自若的继续加入朋友的讨论话题。
“对，也许有时夜深人静是很寂寞没错，但是我们真要为了伯寂寞而随便找个人陪伴吗?”她们也不是不承认自己的孤单，只是就为了不想寂寞而去找个男人来陪，那根本不会有什么好下场。
“现在情杀案那么多，不要说感情没培养出来，最后还分手分不清、惹得一身腥，连命都搞丢了才倒楣。”安妮可是很伯自己变成情杀案主角。
“最气人的是那些人都又老又丑，生活也不见得如意，却还自以为高人一等的对我们说那种话，这才是我最呕的部分!”花无缺最无法平衡的就是这个，如果今天是个漂亮的家庭主妇说这种话也就算了，偏偏用高姿态说话的人多半是些痴肥的黄脸婆，自己都弄得蓬头垢面竟然还有睑来嘲笑比她们年轻貌美的未婚女子。
“别提了，我才惨咧……”Mary一脸困扰的望著伙伴们。“你们知道我买了房子之后，我那个已婚的朋友阿玲硬要说房子是乔治买给我的，还用那种不怀好意的口气跟我说：‘别不承认了，大家都是这么好的朋友，干嘛不跟我说实话……’后来我不是很火的回答：‘对啦!是他买给我的!’?” 众人纷纷点头，都听过Mary提过这件事，当时Mary也只能自我解嘲，都这把年纪了还有人认为她的姿色足以让男人甘心买楼给她，她不承认的话好像辜负了对方的期待，索性点头满足对方的猜测。
事实上，她们这群朋友都知道Mary为了买房子努力了多少年，只是长得太漂亮，就会有人觉得她一定是被包养的，非要抹杀她的努力不可。
“结果最近我再遇见阿玲，她居然问我：‘你怎么都不敢带男朋友来给我看，是不是你男朋友长得又矮又丑又肥又秃头，所以你才不敢带他来?’。”
“太过分了吧?”所有人连声惊呼。
“是啊，我哪有空专程带著乔治去给她看，再说哪个人会无聊到天天带著男友去跟朋友献宝?我们忙著工作连见面的机会都不多，能够在一起的时间那么少了，我还要牺牲两人相聚的时光把乔治带去给她评分?这……真是强人所难!”
“别理她了，那种人肯定不是什么好朋友，真是好朋友的话又怎么会做这种恶毒的猜测呢?” “你不觉得已婚的女性都这样吗?如果不把那些漂亮的未婚女性妖魔化，她们的心理就无法平衡，所以一定要把你想到最差的情况去她们才能好过一点。”花无缺开口解释。
“你们也知道我实在咽不下那口气，我有次跟乔治经过那附近，就要求他跟我去见见阿玲，可是我告诉乔治原因之后，乔治说他不想做这么愚蠢的事，他认为去了只有被评分的份，而他为什么要被那种恶毒的女人评分?他还要我别去在意那种话，除了她以外我还有其他的朋友，没必要为了争一口气去跟那种人瞎搅和。即使我知道乔治说的话没错，心里还是很不舒坦……你们能了解吗?我甚至还没跟乔治串通好要他说那房子是他买给我的，要是我这么说，他一定会觉得我疯了，自己努力那么久的成就竟然要推给他去承担……”
“我们当然可以了解。” 大家同情的看了Mary一眼，她可是众人当中唯一有男友的，但她没有想过要结婚，再加上他们两人工作都忙，虽然名义上是男女朋友，可是大家都感觉得出来他们早已经不是热恋期的男女，维持这份情感多少是为了不希望被当成异类。
Mary甚至说过她已经做好心理准备，随时等著乔治遇上喜欢的人跟她提出分手，因为她老早就知道他们的感情只剩下形式而已，而她之所以愿意维持这个形式，只是不希望有人问到她有没有男友时要委屈的说没有，接著还要去面对那些人荒谬的揣测。
“这么想想，我们好像很悲哀似的……”
“也别这么说啊，你想想有多少人可以像我们这么开心自在?”花无缺露出手上的小钻戒，得意的说：“我宁可为了要买哪件衣服烦恼，而不是为了老公和小孩操劳。”
“我也是!”众人再一次异口同声，接著笑成一团。
----------
節錄自:連亞麗-情非得已
我想我也不至於那麽偏激，身邊的朋友也鮮少會那麽惡毒，但也不是沒有人是這樣說過我。
我當然也知道不需要理會不相干的人，但縂會有那麽一點點的不甘心。真的很辛苦呀。
或者，是我太認真了。
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